Here is a nice before and after viewing for you all. =D


(Note that my tattoo is only halfway finished right now...)

After:




A work in progress. :)

So.... how do I briefly sum up the past few days (a week pretty much)...

Well I'm gonna try, here I go:

So... we planned to pack up and go to Muncie the day before move in day (since we live like 3 and a half to 4 hours away and I had a LOT of shit I took with me), BUT my dad had the marvelous idea of waiting at the last minute to look for a trailor for my stuff. We end up not finding one. So most of the day was spent of me stressing and crossing my fingers that everything would fit in the goddamn Chevrolet Trailblazer my dad has. The amazing parents that I have somehow got everything to fit (with the acception that I was fuckin' scrunched in the back the whole time. I had to sit with my legs crossed the whole time, which was alright because I sit like that all the time anyway... and thank goodness I'm small.....)

So... after a hard goodbye/see ya later to my brother, my dog, my room, and my house, we were off to Muncie.

That night we stayed at a hotel on campus and stuff. My parents decided to stay a couple of days in Muncie with me till I got settled.

Move in day was HELL!!!!!!!!

OMG that fucking sucked... on the basic facts that:

1. I had a LOT of shit and heavy shit.

2. It was fucking hot.

3. My room was on the 8th floor.

and 4. The building I was to stay in had an elevator.... BUT it only went up to the motherfuckin' 6th floor.....

(One of my friends, Alli, lived in this dorm before and said it was called "the ghetto"...... After living here for so long... I can see why...)

So when I was all moved in and so was my roomate (everything worked out perfectly pretty much) I spent a lot of time with my parents. We bonded, and I told them they can leave the next day and I'd be fine. The goodbye had to be brief because Ball State are a bunch of Nazi's when it comes to parking (don't ask). And my mom was making me sad because I knew she was stalling before leaving me.

That same day I went out to the mall with Katie and we took the Muncie bus for the first time. We caught on after a while with the bus stops and its routes. That night when my mom called and she let me talk to dad and my lil bro and told me they made it safely home, homesickness hit me hard at that moment when I was talking with them.

It had finally hit me that I am living somewhere else, somewhere strange, far away from home, and I wasn't going to be back home for a long while. Being the hermit that I am I was so used to being around my family 24/7 and I love them all, even if we never went on family outtings and everyone pretty much stayed in their own rooms and to themselves all day and barely talked.

I will admit. I cried like a baby after I got off the phone. I couldn't hold it in.

(Don't worry everyone. I'm just fine now.)

The last time I cried like that, was my freshman year.

So I had a good cry for about 4 or 5 mins, then turned on some music, chilled, and relaxed my mind.

The next few days weren't too exciting. Lots of mandatory meetings, a few nights where they had "fun events" and free food. I mostly went for the free food but I met a few people.

But yeah, blah blah blah, onto today, they had this late night thing on campus, and instead of standing on the side like I usually do I actually joined in a few things (probably only because Katie was with me. I think if she wasn't there I wouldn't have done shit).

Oh and that morning I signed up for a few clubs:

1. SER (Societ for Earth-based Religions)

2. The Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Straight Alliance.

3. some Late Night Radio thingy

and 4. some Liberties/ BSU Liberals thingy

...I just hope I didn't bite off more then I can chew.

Classes start Monday. I'm a bit nervous. But yeah, here I go.

That's as brief as I can get with describing all that has happened. But actually there is waaaaay more to the story of the past week then what I've just placed here. What I placed here was a very vague description.

If you're THAT curious, just ask. For I am too lazy and tired to place it all here.  :)

Well, I'm finally a college chick. And for some strange reason, I already feel like I've been one for years now. (Don't ask..)

Much love to you all. And thanks for the wishes and hopes of luck and happiness.

I've recently been told that I have an old soul.

And as time goes on I believe that comment more and more.

Even though it's only been two months since I left highschool, I already feel like 2 or 3 years have already past. I have started to learn so much more about myself and the world around me. I have become more confident in myself and my outlooks and beliefs on life.

Though it's hard to believe that this fucking hermit has managed to learn anything about life behind these cement walls.

I have. Believe it or not.

One of the many things that I have learned is that you do not have to go out and fuck around to learn about "real life" or "reality" or what-have-you.

You don't need to go out and get drunk or high when you're young to realize that it's a bad idea and there are dire aftermaths that follow it.

You don't need to run around and date and have sex with every person you can to be better and wiser with sex.

You don't need to fuck around so much until you end up in jail to wake up and realize that jail is not a place you want to end up for the rest of your life.

All you need, is to watch and learn.

Watching my friends get drunk and high had me learn that I don't want to fuck with my brain and put myself into a situation where I can't even figure out whats really going on around me and potentinally end up doing something I'll regret.

Watching my friends run around and gloating about having sex and then coming back to me worried/crying telling me they are/may be pregnant had me learn that I don't want to put myself in that kind of situation over a guy that I'm obviously not going to marry.

Watching my friends run around and do the dumbest shit and a couple of them (being 18 or older) end up in jail and saying how much it sucks had me learn that I don't want to put myself in ANY kind of position that would make me end up there.

It's all very fucking logical.

       So logical in fact, that I find it amazing how people end up doing the same fucked mistakes as everyone else, especially AFTER THE FACT that they have had an example of the aftermath right in front of them.

I also find it intriguing that if people get high, drink, and fuck, then WHY are they all still so goddamn miserable?

Why?

Because they don't know what to do with their lives; they have no direction whatsoever.

Because they have a really blurred outlook on reality. (and the drugs certainly aren't helping.)

So why do young people act as though they know the world and know everything?

It's all a front.

It's all a front and a guard to put up to the world. Because the only thing they really know is that the only person they can truely trust in is themselves.

And the only reason they are all in the gutter that they are in is because,

They haven't learned to truley trust themselves yet.

They have yet to realize themselves; they are still struggling to realize who they are and what their abilities are to make it on this fucked up planet called "Earth".

Our youth are lost.

And as parents of our youth continue to get younger and younger and there are just lost souls trying to raise lost souls, then we're all doomed.

We're all doomed to floating around in a world full of lost souls.

Souls that don't know where the fuck they're headed with their lives; or how to really handle serious situations; or what is right and wrong for our country; or to see past the ignorance of racism, homophobia, or sexism; or the see the pointlessness and harm in drugs; or to know how to tell their offspring what is the "right" and "wrong" way to live and do things because they were such fuck ups themselves.

etc.

All lost souls, because they never think, to watch, observe, learn, and retain.

I don't care how you grew up.

Everyone has their own mind, yet a lot of them never think to use it.

And only if they did/tried to just watch, observe, learn, and retain when they were younger, who knows? They more then likely would not end up in with the problems/issues that they have now.

.....

..God..... I feel old..

There is not enough women in the world like us...

..we need more..

Real Womyn:

La DeFiNgDa 13: so you are a flight attendent yeah?

La DeFiNgDa 13: I live in boring old Indiana. lol. I'm going to school at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana.

La DeFiNgDa 13: wow, your life seems frickin' awesome and exciting. i'm hoping mine will be just as or more exciting when i get this journalism thing going.

My really good friend Morgana had shown me earlier today this sad and sick thing that was going on with girls who are aspiring anorexics. This made us disappointed and destraugt, and she made a blog concerning the issue.

I decided to repost her very thoughtful and well written blog.

11:51 PM - thinspiration and false idols.
Current mood: contemplative

what the hell is this "thinspiration" nonsense? i'll tell you what it is; it's a movement in which young girls are "thinspired" by anorexic and bulimic celebrities, and models. being naturally thin is fine...but being emaciated and resembling a holocaust survivor upon liberation from auschwitz and other such concentration camps? not only is it unattractive, it's mentally and physically unhealthy. it's like...these girls are programmed after awhile to believe that the only way to happiness is to be utterly emaciated and wasted away. i saw the myspace of a girl who hasn't eaten in 13 days by choice. THIRTEEN DAYS. her weight goal? 90lbs. NINETY POUNDS, down from 140. she has a picture up, with a lot of thinspiration quotes; the most disturbing being "hunger pangs are fat leaving the body". disgusting? yes. sad? extremely.

i guess the purpose of this blog is to address the subject of self-image in young girls, and the fact that the concept of thinspiration IS A PROBLEM. THIS is our emergency. young women, the FUTURE mothers, athletes, lawyers, doctors, presidents, prime ministers, our FUTURE, are killing themselves off, slowly but surely to emulate what they see on tv and in magazines. what can be done? don't idolize. to idolize is to want to be JUST LIKE someone. don't ever do that. in doing this, you rob yourself of the right to be an individual, with something great to offer the world. another thing: parents and other people that have a strong influence over the young and impressionable; STRESS that they need only be good enough for themselves, nevermind what everyone else may believe to be true. emphasize that they are fine just as they are, no more, no less. and most importantly? teach them to THINK FOR THEMSELVES. always. the real danger here is the sheer amount of young, impressionable girls and women that don't think for themselves, and rely on the media to do their thinking for them. teach them...that if a part of society doesn't work for them, to reject it entirely and create their own truths. don't let them go through an impressionable stage of life being afraid to question things and concepts and society as a whole. but most importantly...teach them, especially our young women and girls, that they don't HAVE to be 90lbs or less to be worth something. they have so much to offer the world, and have the god-given right to aspire to be more than what society expects of them. they are ALL people of great value, and by committing a slow suicide intentionally through starvation and other unhealthy dietary practices, they're robbing the world of something great.

as throwdown says...please don't idolize, cause these people are trained to fuckin' hypnotize. please don't idolize, cause these people are trained to fuck with your mind.